What kind of society are we raising today? ~L

Earlier this morning I was sitting with E, my son, singing to him his favorite nusery rhyme, "Hush Little Baby." I recall this song very well because it was a song my mother sang to me on a regular basis as a child (and well into my pre-adolescent years, but that's another story). But this morning, something dawned on me. This song isn't as sweet and nurturing as it sounds. Let me dissect it for you. The lyrics (and explanations) go as follows:

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word,Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird."

One can only read the first line as the fact that, we, as parents, will do damned near anything to shut our kids up. Even if it involves bringing a bird that could potentially carry the bird flu and give the kid years of awaited therapy due to the mocking of their newly developed sense of self. Step one towards "Mother of the Year Award"....check.

"If that mockingbird don't sing,Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

I've got some issues with this line, too. Apparently we're raising the next generation of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's. Why on Earth would someone buy an infant a diamond ring?I got an idea....let's spoil the shit out the child so that someday when he grows up, we can expect a child who wants a BRAND-NEW car to drive and their entire college fund paid in full. Sweetie, I've got news for you. If Mamma ain't got a diamond ring, don't hold your breath.

"If that diamond ring turns to brass,Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass."

What the hell is this about? I did a quick google-search on this and found out that it's referring to a mirror. Wait, I know. If the mirror doesn't work, your child could just be ugly. Also, see previous explanation on why this isn't cool.

"If that looking glass gets broke,Mama's gonna buy you a billy-goat."

I don't have a problem with buying my kids animals, but why not a teddy bear? Puppy dog? A billy goat. Who has honestly even seen one of these in their lifetime?

After a bit of research, I found out that there is apparently some sort of curse of the billy goat concerning my favorite team, the Cubs. Due to these circumstances, my boys will not be allowed within the perimeters of about 10 feet of any sort of goat. We really need all the help we can get and I can't take the possibility of knowing my kids made the curse worse.

"If that billy-goat won't pull,Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull."

Again....really safe. Pshht. I wonder what the hell these people were thinking when this song was written. OR was it just written by a bunch of kid-haters trying to work on our ever-increasing population? "Hey little Jimmy! Put on your favorite red shirt and come down and see what Mommy and Daddy have bought for you!"

"If that cart and bull turns over,Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover."

Ahhh....finally. Some sense. I, personally, wouldn't buy a dog named "Rover", but hey. It's not Spike or Diesel. We're safe.

"If that dog named Rover won't bark,Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart."

Who gives a shit if you accidentally bought a muted dog? It's probably for the best anyhow. If I were said parent...I'd cut my losses and stop buying crap for the kid.

"If that horse and cart falls down,You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town."

See Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie explanations above.

I'm in no way saying that I don't spoil my kids, but I do it in non-violent ways. Sure, I occasionally lay in bed for a few more minutes (ok 15) while they scream themselves into hysteria, but they know I'm only doing it so that they'll learn that life is a cruel and rough place to be. Athough I do some mean things to toughen them up, I don't even think about any of anything that is listed above. I'll definitely be weary of singing these lyrics to my kids again.

Call-backs ~Lita

Today is one of those days. Sitting by the phone, waiting....wishing. "Ring, damnit!" No, I'm not waiting by the phone because I'm lonely. Actually, I'm quite the opposite. Being a MILF in training, I find myself busy each day with work, kids and well...being me. Sarcastic, rude, charming and everything else that most people don't look for in any kind of relationship. The fact is, I'm abbrasive. I like the shock-factor behind every word that leaves my sardonic lips. Sure I care somewhat about how people feel about me, but hey. If you don't like it, get the fuck out!

Anyhow, back to the story at hand. After having a long hard day with personal struggles and work, I come home to unwind. Two years ago, this would involve a Pilltini....any kind of pain killer followed by a vodka or wine chaser. Sadly enough, nowadays, my unwinding consists of going to my bedroom and hiding under the covers like a four year old and trying to devour an entire oven-baked pizza. Oh how sad my days have become....when the highlight of my night consists of realizing that I'm really proud of the fact that I didn't eat that ONE LAST PIECE....Only to find myself hovering around it an hour later.

As I was laying completely draped in a fortress of puppy-dog sheets my phone rang. An unexpected voice (ok, who am I kidding...totally expected and appreciated) penetrates my auditory senses. We sit and chat over the days recent activity that has led me to cowering like a wounded animal and immediately I feel better. Almost 45 minutes go by and I don't think much about my "drama." Then the call ends. "I'll call you back in 15 minutes." (this is where my issue comes into play).

Here I sit, almost 2 hours later and feel like a teenager waiting for her prom date to show up on her doorstep. He never called. Now, I'm not one to talk on this subject, but I am able to appreciate the anger behind it. I used to hate it when I'd talk to my friends and we'd decide to part ways for a while ending with a "Ok, well I'll talk to you after dinner" or "I'll call you after I give my husband his after dinner blow job" only to find myself anticipating their call. Then I became a Mom. What used to be an "I'll call you back" turned into "You'll be lucky if you hear from me in a week." Kids keep you busy and hey...they're my numero uno. But again, here I sit....in the same position I put my friends in on a daily basis. Shit. Karma is a freaking bitch, isn't it?

I ponder my decisions on what course of action to take. I could call, but that'd seem crazy (or am I over-thinking?). I could send an email, but that has the possibility of never being seen in the next few days. I guess I should just stop over-analyzing everything....let the good times roll. BUT I CAN'T. I'm a control freak! I don't like having every second of every day planned (at least a week in advance)...and when I set aside time to do something and it doesn't go down...ah shit. It's on like Donkey Kong. I will make your life hell. And when you least expect it...BAM! I'll bring it up. "Remember that one time you were supposed to call me back...and never did? Well, I contemplated slitting my wrists. Yeah, thanks. Great friend." (in my defense, it wasn't that bad of a day) Or maybe I'm just being a girl. A hormone-raging, sex-deprived MILF (in training). Yea, I'm sensitive, but hey. What single woman isn't? Add to my plate the boys...and yea, I've got therapy waiting in my future.

I guess as I sit and try to figure out what I'm really trying to say without sounding like a hypocrit....I decided I really don't give a shit. When someone says they're going to call me back, then do it. And if you have no intentions of doing so, you'd better have a good reason and be up front and honest about it. Otherwise you're headed for the route of being without one of your testes. The rules of life don't apply to me anymore. I'm untouchable, so fuck off.
Goodnight, all! :)