What kind of society are we raising today? ~L

Earlier this morning I was sitting with E, my son, singing to him his favorite nusery rhyme, "Hush Little Baby." I recall this song very well because it was a song my mother sang to me on a regular basis as a child (and well into my pre-adolescent years, but that's another story). But this morning, something dawned on me. This song isn't as sweet and nurturing as it sounds. Let me dissect it for you. The lyrics (and explanations) go as follows:

"Hush, little baby, don't say a word,Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird."

One can only read the first line as the fact that, we, as parents, will do damned near anything to shut our kids up. Even if it involves bringing a bird that could potentially carry the bird flu and give the kid years of awaited therapy due to the mocking of their newly developed sense of self. Step one towards "Mother of the Year Award"....check.

"If that mockingbird don't sing,Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring."

I've got some issues with this line, too. Apparently we're raising the next generation of Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie's. Why on Earth would someone buy an infant a diamond ring?I got an idea....let's spoil the shit out the child so that someday when he grows up, we can expect a child who wants a BRAND-NEW car to drive and their entire college fund paid in full. Sweetie, I've got news for you. If Mamma ain't got a diamond ring, don't hold your breath.

"If that diamond ring turns to brass,Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass."

What the hell is this about? I did a quick google-search on this and found out that it's referring to a mirror. Wait, I know. If the mirror doesn't work, your child could just be ugly. Also, see previous explanation on why this isn't cool.

"If that looking glass gets broke,Mama's gonna buy you a billy-goat."

I don't have a problem with buying my kids animals, but why not a teddy bear? Puppy dog? A billy goat. Who has honestly even seen one of these in their lifetime?

After a bit of research, I found out that there is apparently some sort of curse of the billy goat concerning my favorite team, the Cubs. Due to these circumstances, my boys will not be allowed within the perimeters of about 10 feet of any sort of goat. We really need all the help we can get and I can't take the possibility of knowing my kids made the curse worse.

"If that billy-goat won't pull,Mama's gonna buy you a cart and bull."

Again....really safe. Pshht. I wonder what the hell these people were thinking when this song was written. OR was it just written by a bunch of kid-haters trying to work on our ever-increasing population? "Hey little Jimmy! Put on your favorite red shirt and come down and see what Mommy and Daddy have bought for you!"

"If that cart and bull turns over,Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover."

Ahhh....finally. Some sense. I, personally, wouldn't buy a dog named "Rover", but hey. It's not Spike or Diesel. We're safe.

"If that dog named Rover won't bark,Mama's gonna buy you a horse and cart."

Who gives a shit if you accidentally bought a muted dog? It's probably for the best anyhow. If I were said parent...I'd cut my losses and stop buying crap for the kid.

"If that horse and cart falls down,You'll still be the sweetest little baby in town."

See Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie explanations above.

I'm in no way saying that I don't spoil my kids, but I do it in non-violent ways. Sure, I occasionally lay in bed for a few more minutes (ok 15) while they scream themselves into hysteria, but they know I'm only doing it so that they'll learn that life is a cruel and rough place to be. Athough I do some mean things to toughen them up, I don't even think about any of anything that is listed above. I'll definitely be weary of singing these lyrics to my kids again.